“I’ve been single all my life,” Bella DePaulo said. And she’s totally happy with that.
DePaulo is a researcher and psychologist, and she says she never fantasizes about big weddings or their individual spouse. But she noticed, sometimes, that it seemed like everyone (other scientists among them) was trying to push her towards marriage.
There have been many scientific studies on the benefits of marriage.
Our culture puts a lot of pressure on people to want to get married. Photo by Samuel Kubani / AFP / Getty Images.
“I used to see headlines that said, ‘Oh, if you get married you’ll be happier and healthier,'” DePaulo said. And it’s true, there’s a lot of information out there that links marriage and health. A lot of it makes for a very doom-and-gloom picture for single people.
“But I didn’t think so I would be happier and healthier if I get married. I really enjoyed my single life. “
The whole world seemed to be saying that single people were going to be unhappy, and DePaulo just proved she was the exception.
But starting in the mid-to-late ’90s, after talking to some other singles, DePaulo began to wonder if this was the case. of course true. It started with research papers. And what she found surprised her, she said.
DePaulo believes it is time to take a fresh look at the whole subject.
DePaulo is now a project scientist at the University of California at Santa Barbara and has been studying and writing about single life for several years. In 2006 she even published a book called “Singled Out” on the subject (and a few more since then).
Here’s what she knows:
Single people make up a large and growing percentage of the American population. In fact, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, as of 2014, singles higher than married people in America.
Photo by Oli Scarff / Getty Images.
That alone may be enough to deserve a second look, but as a researcher herself, DePaulo said she noticed something else. Many studies on the benefits of marriage have fallen into a few dilemmas that the results may unknowingly bias against single people.
On August 5, 2016, DePaulo gave a speech at the annual conference of the American Psychological Association to explain this.
For one example of this catastrophic bias, consider a study that divides people into two categories: “currently married” and “currently unmarried.”
Simple, right? But here ‘s a clue: Where do separated people go? Putting them in marriage doesn’t feel right, but putting them in the unmarried category means you can’t look after people who are never married doing. And if you don’t include them at all, don’t we miss a big part of the picture?
There are other potential problems as well, such as how far into your marriage you look at people or whether it is better to study random people or one person over time. And on the flip side, there haven’t been many studies specifically on additional unity.
Perhaps these subtle experimental problems have plagued the truth about hidden relationships for decades.
Relationships are much more complex than “married” or “unmarried,” which can be difficult to reveal in a scientific study.
There are people who are single and waiting for the right person to come, of course. But there are also couples who tried to get married, decided it wasn’t for them, and amicably went back to being single. There are also supportive, supportive couples who live together but don’t tie the knot (and, it’s worth noting, that there were a ton of LGBT people recently who might want to get married, but didn’t they have permission).
Just saying. Photo by Alex Wong / Getty Images.
And yes, there are people who are just happy with one heart and who choose that life for themselves.
As it turns out, there may be a single too.
Many people succeed in their single lives. Many people think that being “alone” means being “alone,” but quiet moments of happiness can also be a blessing to be freed and appreciated.
On the other hand, some single people may have a better relationship than married people, spreading their love over a whole group of people, rather than concentrating on most of it. towards one person. One study found, for example, that single people may be more connected to their friends and community than those who are married.
In addition, single people may devote more of themselves to finding work that is truly meaningful to them. Some research shows that singles may also be more likely to volunteer.
Volunteers at a soup kitchen in Germany. Photo by Sean Gallup / Getty Images.
“[The] single life is something that many people accept and can live their lives fully, happily, and unpopularly, “DePaulo said.” And so many things they’ve heard about the scary stories that happen to them if they stay single just don’t support the research. “
Perhaps the benefits of marriage reviews should not be completely ruled out, of course. Many people get measurable and immeasurable benefits from marriage. But everyone is different and the things that benefit one person may not work for another.
We may need a greater degree of nuance when studying or talking about the wide range of relationship styles that people choose. With more divisions and more nuance, we may be able to learn more about the benefits of unity, rather than just the obstacles.
The biggest takeaway here is that there is no single plan for a good life.
“More than ever, Americans can follow lifestyles that work better for them. There is no single plan for the good life, ”said DePaulo in a press release about her speech.
“What matters is not what everyone else is doing or what other people think we should be doing, but whether we can do the places, the places and the find the right people and let us live our best lives. ”